I feel like I’m living too heavily. Even drinking with a Romanian friend before Christmas, I found myself deep in conversation about Chinese society and politics. This sudden realization startled me.
My mind is always occupied with grand, far-reaching thoughts, yet my own happiness never seems to be a concern. This shouldn’t be the case.
Looking back, moments of happiness appear to be few and far between. I’ve spent my life in pursuit of truth, as if I never truly understood what happiness is.
I’ve decided to make myself happier in 2024.
But I don’t have much to go on. General guides to happiness don’t really apply to me, mainly because they don’t address my specific needs. For example, I can’t find any joy in small talk, which makes me wonder if I don’t understand the chemistry between people.
This changed when I searched YouTube for videos about INTJs and happiness, and I was immediately struck. Here are some excerpts that resonate with me:
Number one thing INTJs need in order to be happy is independence. When it comes to their passion, intuitive thinkers are not afraid to silently distance themselves from the pack in order to follow their dreams.
Number two things INTJs need in order to be happy is meaningful relationships.
Small conversation and phony friends are two of the things that INTJs despise the most in the entire universe.
You will need to be intelligent, able to participate in meaningful conversations, and trustworthy.
INTJs have an easy time establishing trust with those they consider friends, and they value those relationships tremendously. The joy that they receive from genuine friendships and solid ties is immeasurable. They are unsatisfied with their relationships with acquaintances. You won’t be able to make them happy if they don’t trust you.
- Number three thing INTJs need in order to be happy is space.
This is the best method they recharging their batteries and discovering happiness within themselves. They are unable to do so when they are surrounded by a large number of people who are distracting them.
- Number four thing INTJs need in order to be happy is high self-confidence.
People with the INTJ personality type are naturally self-assured and assertive. The company of confident people makes them joyful, as opposed to the company of persons who are uneasy and act fictitiously.
- Number five things INTJs need to be happy is pursuing their passions.
They find happiness in following their hearts or their principles, rather than following the crowd.
Individuals with INTJ personality are fueled and pushed by their passions in all elements of their lives.
- Number six thing INTJs need to be happy is to be understood.
When INTJ the architect is misunderstood, it is the most annoying thing that can happen to them.
Unfortunately, for INTJs, their activities are frequently misconstrued by the majority of the population. For example, the INTJ DEATH STARE may be misconstrued as anti-social behavior.
As a matter of fact, when they realize that someone understands the true meaning behind their actions, they experience a great sense of relief in their analytical minds.
Number seven thing INTJs need to be happy is to make plans for the future.
Number eight thing INTJs need to be is honesty. People are real and truthful are more valuable to INTJs than those who pretend to be nice in front of others for their own selfish reasons. People who aren’t afraid to call a spade a spade are the types of people that INTJs enjoy conversing with and learning from.
This is due to the fact that INTJs despise liars.
- Number nine thing INTJs need to be happy is creativity. INTJ the mastermind personality types are well-known for being extremely inventive and creative in their thoughts.
They are also pleased with themselves when they are able to make things.
- Number ten thing INTJs need to be happy is a well-organized environment.
Numbers 1, 3, 5, 9 are what I’m currently doing. I’m a natural scholar, and seeking truth is my passion. Thinking and writing are my work, and I enjoy a life of contemplation. Numbers 7 and 10 are part of my daily routine. Numbers 2, 4, 6, and 8 are about intimate relationships, about friends and lovers. This is a significant shortcoming in my life, long neglected but crucial to happiness.
So why have I neglected it for so long? Maybe because it’s too hard. I’ve always seen these relationships as things that come if they come, so I’ve been passive.
Looking at point 2, it’s not easy to be a friend of an INTJ; you need to be smart and honest. And having both these qualities is especially hard for Chinese people. The smart ones often have flexible morals, adept at the rules of the jungle, and selfish, making it hard for them to be honest and upright. The honest ones are usually upright but often have rigid worldviews and are intolerant.
Because it’s rare, friendship is even more precious. That’s why a fallout with a friend is especially painful for me. I suddenly realized that most of my painful experiences in life have been caused by people from Henan. The Henan colleague who borrowed money and didn’t return it, the Nanyang classmate who blocked me over political views. Many charming young men have turned into rogues, and talented individuals have fallen victim to propaganda. It’s a sad reflection of how environment shapes people.
As for MBTI, it’s a pretty accurate framework. I’m not sure if it’s the most scientific personality theory, but it’s more than just a Barnum effect or akin to horoscopes. These summaries are specific and not just general statements applicable to anyone. You’ll find that the characters in movies, literature, and philosophers you like are often the same type as you. For instance, I like Tywin Lannister from A Song of Ice and Fire and Ivan Karamazov for The Brothers Karamazov; philosophers like Nietzsche and Kant. If you visit the INTJ group on Douband or the INTJ sub on Reddit, you’ll find many people whose thoughts align with yours.
Realizing that you’re rare but not unique is important. It means that suitable friends do exist; just we have to find them. In the past, I didn’t pay much attention to my feelings, deliberately ignoring my need for friends, and underestimated my own agency. In the future, I hope to make myself happier and more actively seek happiness.
Specifically, this means:
Worry less about trivial matters. I’ve said almost everything I need to. I have no relation to China anymore. I don’t want to care about the society and politics there, nor do I want to be disgusted by the discourse in Chinese. Less WeChat, less Twitter, for a more peaceful life.
Actively make friends. Europeans are friendly, but those meaningless shallow conversations bore me to death. I’ve been trying to imitate Europeans for months, but it’s tiring and unfulfilling. From now on, I’ll change my strategy. And the criteria are well summarized above: honesty is fundamental, a deal-breaker. Life is too short to waste on insincere people. Also, being misunderstood often made me introspect about what I did wrong. Now I think, forget it. Constant misunderstandings indicate a significant gap, making close friendship unlikely, so there’s no need for regret. What I lack is the ability to give direct and honest feedback when misunderstood, instead of internalizing the confusion or resorting to passive-aggressive tactics.
Try more happiness-enhancing activities. For INTJs, this includes classes, art, nature, reading, philosophy. I’ll make a list of activities that bring happiness, experiment with them, and record my experiences, especially trying new things.