This afternoon I read something about Mathew Pottinger, and I was inspired by his encouraging deeds. He said in 2005, “Living in China shows you a nondemocratic country can do to its citizens.” While his experience of repression in China had fired his patriotism, I’ve fired my anti-patriotism. If you really love your country and people, how can you ignore their sufferings? 

I’ve been told by many people that you shall see the better side. No. I said no. I choose the truth. Most of the better part has nothing to do with the government.In a larger and higher vision, achievements are just the success of market and nature. You loosen the control of your people and the prosperity is naturally guaranteed.

Counting coppers is never my greatest interest. Mathew’s career switch is an inspiration to me. And now I should do something of more meanings and fun.

Now the party is more like a virus or a cancer, it used too much resources to make itself survive, ignoring the real healthcare of the country.If I am a selfish man, I can choose to ignore and keep moving. Maybe I am, maybe not. We’ll see.I want to see the bigger picture through my world-wide travel.Then I’ll see what we can do next. To live with it, or to change it. When Chenjie Wang said you are nothing, you over-estimate yourself. I say fuck him. No matter how little difference we can make, we move towards a larger goal, that makes our lives count.

Now what I should do is:

  1. to improve English. Chinese information environments are polluted badly. We shall get my information and data from more reliable sources.
  2. to find a place in a free world. Germany is a good choice. So to improve my German is also a must.
  3. even I’m tired of desperate struggling, I still believe that a more tense life is essential to me. We do not fight for illusions any more, but we still should fight for something real. Work more than 12 hours every day. My holiday is over.
  4. I think my ex-boss is right, which he said we do not appreciate an explosive and passionate struggle. We should make smooth efforts. We shall trust the power of time and serenity. We make a long-run plan and make efforts day by day. Do not be frightened by your lack of knowledge and capabilities at present. Based on what you can do now, try to struggle for more and break through the limits. Maybe one day you look back, you’ll see, “Aha, it’s not that difficult.” Even not, you are bettering yourself. 
  5. Be humble. It’s not a rule which others restrict us. It’s a choice by my will. Usually I use arrogance to screen noise and boring people. But I find it often blurs my mind. It often leads you to a condition of a fight against traditions, which is a waste of time, often breaks the serenity of our minds even you are talking about facts and leaves you blind to dangers and risks. And it costs too much time and efforts to recover to serenity afterwards. That’s the annoying part.